SOme CAll Me ToNy

Ramblings, thoughts, ideas. My ways of killing time and not people.

I Love You So Very Much 

“I love you so very much”

It’s not a string of happy words

It’s love but paralysing hurt

Not the kind that holds you still

That kind that grabs your heart to kill

When everything’s wrong and it feels like night

And day are the same old grey way

When your coffee is like water

And your water is black

Where your mind can’t hold a thought

Not through the lack of trying

But because that love stops your soul from dying

I love you so very much.


But We’re Not Racist

Nazis, UKIP, KKK, National Front, BNP
It’s all about protecting us from them
We’re not racist, we just want them to go
We’re proud of our heritage and where we’re from
The things outside of our control
Everyone is brainwashed by education, by society, the media
Taught to be ashamed of our colonial past
We’re not slavers anymore
We want them to leave
But we’re not racist
They create problems here
But we’re not racist
They should learn to be like us, speak our tongue, pray like us
But we’re not racist
Differences are fine so long as they conform
But we’re not racist
They preach hate, they are scum and should die
But we’re not racist
We’re not hypocrites
They start in ones then queue by the thousand
We’re drowning in a sea of foreign
They outnumber us
It’s not proven but it feels like it
Why should we help them?
What have they done for us?
What did we do to them?
Why do we deserve this?
Leave them to look after themselves
Why do they flee their lands?
I’d like to see some of you face bullets, bombs, starvation and the kinds of poverty that connect your spine to your navel
But we’re not racist
We’re proud
Proud of where we’re from because we chose that ourselves
We chose to be from here
We chose to speak this way
They choose to run
They choose to bring their fears
They bring their gods and tongues, their children and their cooking
We get the takeaways but mow down the rest
Get rid of it
Diversity thrust upon us
We never asked for this
But we’re not racist


A thousand hums swirling around
Feeding as it hovers over well-trodden ground
One voice cuts through it all
As it cries, it all stops
Was it worth it?

I Am Crow

I am like nesting crow
In this hall of mirrors
The reflections are all real
You may never know
Your words suck air
I still soar above

So yeah, ramblarama. (Not a poem… duh)

So I’ve not been writing a whole lot lately. Spent a lot of time playing guitar and catching up on books I’ve been meaning to read (there are currently six piles of books I’ve not read in this room and that is not counting comics. Currently halfway through Psycho) and films and various other things. Got back into drumming which has been really fun, I used to drum a lot years back and hadn’t touched a pair of drumsticks in ages.

Currently listening to KoRn, in case anyone’s wondering.

So Anselmo has announced Down won’t be at any European festivals, eh? Well, it isn’t surprising really. Sure, if you’re a fan, (like I am), that’s pretty disappointing, (even though I’m not planning on going anywhere Down were meant to be playing anyways). But at the same time, given everything that’s going on with him and all the hype and controversy, I think he needs some time away from cameras and microphones and stages whilst things cool down and he figures some stuff out. I’ve seen his apologies and he’s been called out by every prominent metal musician with an active social networking presence but still.

I watched Scream 2 recently and I hadn’t actually seen it before despite having seen Scream far too many times. It was alright, it’s not as good as the first and it’s less of a Horror and more of a Thriller, I guess? If that means anything? Also, the ending made me laugh where Sid and Gale both go shooting that body. That amused me more than it probably should have done. That film is also a lesson on how to reference films in films from the classroom discussion on sequels, to all the references to Nightmare on Elm Street, (thank you Wes Craven), to the various Friends references.

So I’ve been reading a lot and playing a bunch of instruments (or trying to) and catching up on stuff so not really been working too much on writing but there is stuff in the works and there will be more things coming.

So yeah. Anyways. If you read this thanks. If you’ve read any of these, thank you.

Have a good day

Is Childhood Real?

Beyond the physical aspect of growing and development, is childhood real?
People grow, evolve develop all through life.

“As soon as you learn death. As soon as you learn you can be hurt, that’s when childhood dies”.

As soon as a child is born, everyone around is rushing to get them to being adults. Get them walking and talking and dressed like miniature adults and we’ll gush over it then suddenly one day they’re immature, babyish and need to grow up or else life will leave them behind. They need to run and get in the race of life, run round the wheel and have a good future.

Childhood is real for as long as the swing is in the air.

“When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the politer names of Hell.” – Brian Aldiss.

Just A Fish

Dipping fingers into the river’s waters
Touching all the water on all the earth
The rivers do not get jealous
Oceans demand no loyalty
Love the waters and they all love you
Advance recklessly and they will have their way
They give life and take it away
We obsess and fixate on their way
The ebbing and flowing, their wild nature
Their having no single nomenclature
I am but a fish swimming the depths
Searching for things, I know not what yet
I ask River’s help as she shows me the way
Allowing in light at the break of each day
I see other fish and the coral and krill
Wonder what delights, fears and thrills
Could be in store for one such as I
Who swim so blindly
I’ll figure it out as I search for food
A place to sleep, and look at the view
Try to take it all in but there is too much
Drowning in the life that circles me
Addled by life, by death
The sea is my prison
The water’s disease
I cannot leave and step onto shore
I cannot leave and live again once more

I’ll write something better later…

You were just a man
Yet so much more
We all loved you
And you knew what for
You hated the fame
But the only one
That you have to blame
Is yourself, starman

You were too damn good
You did too much and none of it
Was ever truly understood
As and when it was done
By the time it clicked
You’d have laughed and moved on
Under pressure you may have been
When you hung with the killer queen
But you were our Mr Stardust
Only dancing out with John
Teaching change as a person is a must

Showing us all the art of growth
Teaching us to see the world in a thousand ways
Your message will live on without you
We promise to teach it until the end of days


What language is that you’re speaking?

The one where you don’t care
The one where you ignore the world
Just sit and play with your hair
Eating your dinner as people starve
Watching TV blinking at the gunshots
Completely unmoved
Completely unfazed
How do you do it?
Did it hurt too much to care?
Did you learn to stop?
Did you ever truly care at all?
About anything or anyone?
You don’t want to help
You don’t want to cry
It doesn’t bother you
When a hundred people die
It happens every day

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